Daddy and Mommy have been talking a lot lately about phantoms.  Given that it is almost Halloween, I assumed they were discussing the presence of ghosts and goblins in the area.  After all, I know there is something out there – Domino is constantly barking at something in the house.  My guess is he can see something I can’t.  Maybe Daddy knows what it is and won’t say.  Regardless, it turns out they haven’t been talking about poltergeists.

No, Mommy and Daddy have been talking about experiencing things that are not really there.  For instance, Mommy frequently complains about hearing Jimmy Buffett’s “Volcano” (“I don’t know where I’m agonna go when the volcano blows” – bet you’re singing it now, right?).  My Monkey Bouncer plays that song and I love it.  Mommy hears it at work.  She says it isn’t really playing, but she just knows she can hear it.  Somewhere, probably Margaritaville, Mr. Buffett is very happy that his song has such an impact.

I had a similar “phantom” experience with Mommy this morning.  She was holding me in the chair and we were chit-chatting as usual (she loves to talk).  I had a momentary period of blindness and then suddenly I could see Mom again.  I didn’t think much of the blindness until it happened again…and again…and again.  It always ended abruptly with Mommy coming back in focus saying “peek-a-bo” (whatever that means).  Well, I know Mommy didn’t disappear (or did she?), so I guess I experienced “phantom blindness” (or Mommy is an awesome magician).

But, the best “phantom” story belongs to Daddy.  It all started about a week ago, when I really started to fill my diapers with special contents.  When Mommy or Daddy replaces my diaper they store the old one in a pail, the Diaper Champ, in my bedroom.  After four or five of my special diapers get there, the old “Champ” begins to ripen (if you catch my drift).  It got so bad last week that Daddy started putting a stick-on freshener in the can.  It doesn’t help and every time you open the Champ it fills the room with a lovely aroma.

Well, Daddy had a big business breakfast on Friday.  Over five hundred people where there and Daddy was sitting at a table with his boss and a potential client.  As he was eating his eggs, he recognized a familiar scent.  That’s right, his eggs started to smell like the Diaper Champ!  He knew that couldn’t be right, but the smell persisted.  It wasn’t him – Daddy hasn’t been to Millington in months – so it must be the eggs.  When no one was watching, he moved the eggs close to his nose to catch a whiff.  They smelled like eggs.

So where was the stench coming from?  He checked his shoes, his suit coat, even his tie and couldn’t find anything.  Daddy was worried that the Diaper Champ had embedded its aroma on him!  Fortunately, a few minutes later, the smell died.  It was a “phantom stink”!

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