No 4-month-old in the history of the world has ever been forced to endure such punishment.  I begged and pleaded, but Daddy stuck to his guns – I was grounded from technology until I could learn to control myself.

It all started with an accident.  It was a Friday just before Christmas.  Dad was on my case because I was slacking on the blog.  He reminded me of our agreement of one post per week for one year.  I ha already slipped and combined three posts in one the weeks before.  What kind of son would he be raising if he let me continue to slide?

Well, I will tell you what kind of son that is.  It’s a well-rounded individual with many interests and talents…a 21st century Renaissance Man.  He didn’t agree that an obsession with Mario Cart DS qualified as anything less than a diversion.  This argument resulting in my first ever grounding.

The grounding didn’t last long, though.  Mommy got home and stated in no uncertain terms that her pride and joy would not spend Christmas in timeout.  The very fact that Daddy tried it resulted in his grounding for the holidays.  Of course, this didn’t leave him too happy with me.  Mom negotiated a two-week release on the blog, but Daddy promised he would keep an eye on me from there.

I spent the New Year in Ripley, TN watching my folks play cards and drink beer.  I didn’t quite make it to midnight despite trying.  By 11:30 PM, Hoppy (my grandpa) and I were out cold in the recliner.  Life was great and I was ready to make a new fresh start with 2011, my first full year of life.

The first two weeks of January were a blur.  I started the year with a new interest, the Mac App Store.  I discovered Pac Man, Basketmania, and Smack Hockey.  The games were wonderful!  Dad didn’t notice my obsession because he was so busy at work.

Then I came home from school in different clothes.  My teacher tried to change my diaper right after a nap and I hit her with a full strength spray of urine.  She should have seen it coming; it wasn’t my fault.  Daddy laughed at this explosion, but told me to control myself in the future.

On the way to school the next morning, Mommy called Dad’s cell phone.  She worried that I used my last change of clothes the previous day.  Daddy assured her that I could control myself and that it wouldn’t be necessary.  He had faith in me.  The good news was that I did have extra clothes, even if they were too small for me.

Daddy got home late that night.  When he looked through the front door he saw me with my white belly hanging out of a shirt two sizes too small for me.  That’s right!  I peed on another teacher, but not just a teacher, the school director.  I was developing a reputation.

This is when Daddy grounded me for a week – no more buying apps online – oh, and I owed him $10.95 for all the games that I purchased.  He also changed the access password.  Not nice!

The next day at school, Daddy told my head teacher about the punishment.  There was no way I would do this again.  But, he didn’t count on my rebellious nature.  How dare he ground me from Pac-Man!  I would get revenge and I did.  At this point I had peed on 4 out of 5 teachers since starting school.  In late-January, I peed on the fifth.  I got her good, too.  This time not only did I need a change of clothes, but she did, also!  It was glorious!

Daddy didn’t seem to think so.  Now, I had no computer access of any kind.  He got online and found out that I hadn’t posted on the blog in months.  He screamed something about months being half my life.  That if a 5-month-old can’t stick with something every week, how will I ever get a full-ride to Harvard.  Seriously, Daddy, I just want some apple sauce and an episode of Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Harvard can wait, maybe forever.

But, I got off punishment.  Mommy is such an easy ally.  This week I went to stay with Gran and Hoppy overnight.  This was my first real overnight trip; the first one where Mommy couldn’t easily walk down the hall and get me.  She was emotional, to say the least.  She made it clear to Daddy that her son would not go away in trouble.  She demanded my freedom from punishment and naturally, Daddy gave in.

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